I've received quite a wide array of commentary in response to a post I wrote this summer about the destructive nature of complimenting physical appearances (reread here: The Essential Wrongness of Complimenting Physical Beauty). However, the most alarming response was the claim that people's strengths and talents are inherent and thus as essentially wrong to compliment as outward beauty.
To argue that people are born with talents that cannot be altered negates free will. Yes, it is true that some individuals are naturally stronger in a particular skill set than others. However, our decisions to cultivate particular skills and align ourselves with set interests and/or identities indicate our honest personalities and true selves. All of these things are within our power and control to develop. These are the behaviors we should encourage in one another.
I devoted time and effort to develops skills which sought my interest, skills in which I placed value in obtaining. When I was younger, I was pretty decent at basketball, not because I have any aptitude for athletics, but because I trapped myself within endless practices and training camps. Despite a clumsy shaky hand and a bizarrely inaccurate understanding of perspective, I'm gaining some skill in the application of eye make-up, but only due to a extensive process of trial and error and a deliberate effort to learn (Much thanks to the mastermind, Corinne!) I'm a pretty decent writer, because I spend time with my nose burrowed deep within classic literature, choose academic classes that emphasize writing skills, and carry a journal with me everywhere I stomp. When I am complimented on these skills, I feel especially proud because I made a conscious effort to develop talents that were not naturally granted to me and someone has not only recognized my efforts, but appreciated them. Who doesn't want to be complimented for their choices in life?
It is a conscious decision to pick up a paintbrush or rolling pin. One chooses to strap on a pair of rollerblades or pull on a pair of boxing gloves. It is a deliberate effort to strum a guitar or place a soccer ball at your feet. This pursuit to acquire such developments and the dedication to cultivate new skills is worthy of esteem and encouragement. Although it is important to recognize privilege and why one may not choose or have the opportunity to cultivate particular talents, unlike physical beauty, there is nothing detrimental about encouraging people in the development of their talents. Human beings have autonomy and control what it is they pursue and the time and manner in which they dedicate to it. With beauty, comparison often leads to unrealistic expectations and distaste for one's own appearance, whereas someone else's success in a particular skill can inspire one to develop such a talent further.
As a long-haired able-bodied size six Caucasian woman, I do not consider myself an underrepresented form of beauty. I will always feel uncomfortable about language that perpetuates body image issues women face and feel accepting compliments about how my mum and pop's genes happened to blend together is unjustifiable. Although one's intentions for complimenting another individual regarding their outward beauty may not be to perpetuate such negative feelings and unobtainable concepts of beauty, that is exactly what such compliments do.
Additionally vital to note, there is a HUGE difference between complimenting one's physical beauty and admiring the beauty of aesthetics. Make-up artists, fashion designers/stylists/bloggers, hairdressers/stylists, nail technicians, tattoo artists, and the like, are artists who learn to perfect their creative genius into skill from internships, apprenticeships, schools, books, family, friends, and lots and lots of practice. One's body is a blank canvas and how they choose to decorate it is a expression of their character. There's a difference between admiring one's skill in styling and praising their figure/facial structure.
To argue that people are born with talents that cannot be altered negates free will. Yes, it is true that some individuals are naturally stronger in a particular skill set than others. However, our decisions to cultivate particular skills and align ourselves with set interests and/or identities indicate our honest personalities and true selves. All of these things are within our power and control to develop. These are the behaviors we should encourage in one another.
I devoted time and effort to develops skills which sought my interest, skills in which I placed value in obtaining. When I was younger, I was pretty decent at basketball, not because I have any aptitude for athletics, but because I trapped myself within endless practices and training camps. Despite a clumsy shaky hand and a bizarrely inaccurate understanding of perspective, I'm gaining some skill in the application of eye make-up, but only due to a extensive process of trial and error and a deliberate effort to learn (Much thanks to the mastermind, Corinne!) I'm a pretty decent writer, because I spend time with my nose burrowed deep within classic literature, choose academic classes that emphasize writing skills, and carry a journal with me everywhere I stomp. When I am complimented on these skills, I feel especially proud because I made a conscious effort to develop talents that were not naturally granted to me and someone has not only recognized my efforts, but appreciated them. Who doesn't want to be complimented for their choices in life?
It is a conscious decision to pick up a paintbrush or rolling pin. One chooses to strap on a pair of rollerblades or pull on a pair of boxing gloves. It is a deliberate effort to strum a guitar or place a soccer ball at your feet. This pursuit to acquire such developments and the dedication to cultivate new skills is worthy of esteem and encouragement. Although it is important to recognize privilege and why one may not choose or have the opportunity to cultivate particular talents, unlike physical beauty, there is nothing detrimental about encouraging people in the development of their talents. Human beings have autonomy and control what it is they pursue and the time and manner in which they dedicate to it. With beauty, comparison often leads to unrealistic expectations and distaste for one's own appearance, whereas someone else's success in a particular skill can inspire one to develop such a talent further.
As a long-haired able-bodied size six Caucasian woman, I do not consider myself an underrepresented form of beauty. I will always feel uncomfortable about language that perpetuates body image issues women face and feel accepting compliments about how my mum and pop's genes happened to blend together is unjustifiable. Although one's intentions for complimenting another individual regarding their outward beauty may not be to perpetuate such negative feelings and unobtainable concepts of beauty, that is exactly what such compliments do.
Additionally vital to note, there is a HUGE difference between complimenting one's physical beauty and admiring the beauty of aesthetics. Make-up artists, fashion designers/stylists/bloggers, hairdressers/stylists, nail technicians, tattoo artists, and the like, are artists who learn to perfect their creative genius into skill from internships, apprenticeships, schools, books, family, friends, and lots and lots of practice. One's body is a blank canvas and how they choose to decorate it is a expression of their character. There's a difference between admiring one's skill in styling and praising their figure/facial structure.
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