It's 1:58pm on a Tuesday and I'm not late when I see one of my favorites out of the corner of my eye. I'm fumbling with outdated technology and am too ashamed to acknowledge his existence. When a woman with whom I have worked for four years suggests I only like two things I want to cry, but upon further consideration, realize her statement is more a reflection of herself than it is of me.
"You should think of what it does to a person when you tell them something like that."
She's afraid she's offended me and wedged behind nervous laughter, declares that she's convinced I like her too. I suppose she has allowed me three things now. Switching between two armors, I am distracted by my own daydreams. There are so many beautiful ways to die. Like a tipsy schoolgirl, I nearly trip, and giggle myself out of the room.
In an office with two black bags, she asks what I think of a new him. I tell her I do not trust men who have not suffered. She says I don't trust any of them. This time, I do cry.
Freshmen year, a roommate who studies frogs, "You're always angry and you smoke too many cigarettes." Same year, but this time a boy, on two different occasions, "You'll never be happy." and "Stop internalizing." This inspires me. I stop smoking so as to not be like him.
Two summers later a Navy brat confirms, why yes, he has not seen me smile all weekend. I tell him perhaps he has not given me anything to smile about. He considers himself charming.
"You should think of what it does to a person when you tell them something like that."
She's afraid she's offended me and wedged behind nervous laughter, declares that she's convinced I like her too. I suppose she has allowed me three things now. Switching between two armors, I am distracted by my own daydreams. There are so many beautiful ways to die. Like a tipsy schoolgirl, I nearly trip, and giggle myself out of the room.
In an office with two black bags, she asks what I think of a new him. I tell her I do not trust men who have not suffered. She says I don't trust any of them. This time, I do cry.
Freshmen year, a roommate who studies frogs, "You're always angry and you smoke too many cigarettes." Same year, but this time a boy, on two different occasions, "You'll never be happy." and "Stop internalizing." This inspires me. I stop smoking so as to not be like him.
Two summers later a Navy brat confirms, why yes, he has not seen me smile all weekend. I tell him perhaps he has not given me anything to smile about. He considers himself charming.
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